Lyceum Theatre

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Champneys Mottram Hall – Wellness Retreat or Overpriced Sauna? We were really looking forward to a relaxing night at Champneys Mottram Hall. For over £200 a night, you’d expect comfort. Instead, we got a masterclass in how not to do hospitality. We asked to see a room first — after reading quite a few bad reviews (which turned out to be accurate). The room they showed us was fine… but then it wasn’t available anymore. So we booked another one, slightly cheaper, still overpriced. It wasn’t even ready, despite being listed as available online. We were sent to the restaurant to wait, where the only food was burgers and fries — at a wellness resort. Classy. When we finally got the room key, we stepped into what felt like a furnace — at least 40°C, no air conditioning, barely openable windows, and a tiny desk fan trying to cool it down. Outside the window? A wall of deafening industrial ventilators. The room was loud, boiling, and totally unfit for sleep or rest. If I wanted to be roasted alive next to jet engines, I’d have booked a Ryanair tarmac picnic. Save your money. This isn’t luxury — it’s a loud, sweaty disappointment dressed up as a spa break.